“Listen, man, I’m seriously not calling you a loser”. Ted was devouring a beefy burrito supreme while Steve drained the blood from the corpse lying on a stainless steel table. “It’s just that you haven’t been laid since Kelly. That was over a year ago.”
The corpse was that of Mary Lynn Boyle. Both men had gone to high school with her. She was once a vibrant, beautiful woman. Now she was a dead body in a funeral home, the result of a heroin overdose. Steve used to dream of fucking her, back when they were teens, but that was twelve years ago.
“You are calling me a loser” Steve pressed a button and now embalming fluid was being pumped into Mary Lynn. “Its not like I haven’t tried.”
“Tried?” Ted placed his burrito on the table next to the corpse, laughing. “It was like a week ago that I tried to set you up with Corrine. That bitch wanted the dick and somehow you fucked that up. I swear, you’re avoiding pussy on purpose.”
“We cant all be the great pussy hound that is Ted Sullivan.”
“You know what you need?” Ted stood up and peered down at the naked cadaver’s perky tits. “You need a girl like Mary Lynn.”
“She was out of my league back then. She wouldn’t give me the time of day.”
“She cant say no now.” Ted shot Steve a disturbing smile.
“You got to be kidding me. Even with your horny ass brain I wouldn’t fuck a dead body.”
“Hear me out.” Ted cleared his throat as if he was preparing to address the United Nations. “If you fuck Mary Lynn then you will have your confidence back.”
“Oh yeah. Fucking a corpse really is a confidence booster.”
“You know what man, Mary Lynn was too good for you then and she’s too good for you now.” Ted cupped a hand over the cadaver’s bare breast. Steve slapped it away. Ted gave an exaggerated frown. “She don’t mind. Ask her? Do you mind if Stevie fucks your pussy?” Ted then switched to a high pitch voice, mimicking Mary Lynn. “No, go ahead and give me the D.”
“You’re stupid. Why do I put up with you?”
“Because you’re a creepy ass mortician and I’m your only friend.” It was true. The two of them didn’t talk much in high school. It wasn’t until a few years ago, when the two of them bumped into each other at some dive bar in Providence. Ted was a businessman, and he made a lot of money, however his job wasn’t nearly as interesting as Steve’s.
Steve knew early on he wanted to be a mortician. Before high school, when he was about ten, he saw a dead body. He was just like Mary Lynn, a drug overdose. Steve had been playing in the halls of their three family apartment building. The young boy was running up the stairs when he saw Justin’s door open.
Steve’s mom didn’t like Justin. She told the child to stay away from that “pederast”. Apparently, he did some time for child molestation. Steve knew what molestation was at that age, and he did fear the odd man in the apartment above them. But his door was open and Steve was a curious child.
The TV was blaring. He could never remember what show was on but he remembers the theme song’s melody. He hummed it often, even now. It was burnt into his brain, just like the glass eyed corpse that once was Justin.
There was a needle sticking out of the man’s arm. He was still, completely motionless. His chest did not rise and fall. He was starring at the boy yet he could not see him. This would normally scar a child for life, but not Steve. No, he developed a weird fascination with death. It was a year later that he decided to become a mortician.
The schooling was hard, and his apprenticeship nearly killed him. He was scrapping by, working “Federal Hill Pizza”. When he wasn’t delivering pies to the guineas that lived in the area, he was putting in work at Dempsey’s Funeral Home. Of course, he wasn’t paid for his work. It was an apprenticeship. It took nearly two years before Adam Durant, the owner of the funeral home, offered him a paid position.
That was the year that he met Kelly. She was a nurse at Rhode Island Hospital’s ER. The two were set up by a woman that worked in accounting at the funeral home. Steve was a thin, awkward little man but he did have a charm to him, and Kelly saw it. The two dated for three years. They were planning to get an apartment together off of Thayer Street when Steve found out Kelly was cheating on him. How did he find out? She gave him syphilis. Since then Steve’s love life was non existent.
“Listen man, I’m heading over to the Tam if you want to meet up later.” Ted said as he put his jacket on.
“That place is a dive. Why do you like that shithole so much?”
“The drinks are cheap, there’s bar pizza, and the women there have shattered egos and trying to get railed by a good looking guy, much like myself.”
“You’re a fucking character. A male stereotype, but a character.”
“Whatever man. Tonight, after you’re done with Mary Lynn here, meet me at the bar. Tonight your creepy mortician ass is getting laid.” Ted had the back door open, and a chill winter breeze blew into the already cold room. “Please, for the love of God, if you meet a chick tonight don’t bring up you’re creepy ass job. It dries the ladies up real quick.”
“Whatever man. I’ll be done after a while.” Steve rolled his eyes as he pushed a button on a machine. “I guess I could use a drink afterwards.”
“My man.” With that Ted took off, leaving Steve alone with the corpse.
He stared at the dead woman. She was a sexy woman when she was alive. There was something enticing about her, even as she was now, dead. He always wanted to feel Mary Lynn’s tits. She sat in-front of him in history class. He envisioned her naked and now that he finally got to see her nude he felt something.
Sure, he’d gotten hard on the job, but he would never dream of having sex with one of the bodies. It was weird and unethical. It was also assumed by many that all morticians were necrophiliacs and he didn’t need to perpetuate that stereotype.
But there she was, Mary Lynn, naked. He would have suspected that she shaved her pussy, and he was right. She even had a piercing on the lip. Her eyes were closed. Steve knew he was alone, there was no chance of anyone walking in on him. Maybe he could cop a feel. Ted did, and he was a “normal” guy. So why couldn’t Steve?
“I wanted to fuck you so bad in high school.” Steve pulled off his latex glove and moved closer to the body. Slowly he lowered his hand until the cadaver’s left tit was cupped in Steve’s hand. “Tell me you want me.”
She had the perfect body. It was surprising for a junkie, but the woman was athletic. Although her lips were now blue, they were big and inviting. Steve leaned down, starring at the cadaver’s mouth.
“What’s that? You want me to kiss you?” He usually was professional, calling out his juvenile acting friend for doing creepy shit. Now here he was, leaning down, hovering over the corpse. Gently he kissed her cold lips.
Something came over the man. Suddenly he was horny, more so than usual, and without thinking about it he slid his hand over the curve of the cadaver’s hips, across her pubic area, and without hesitation he slipped a finger into her pussy.
She was dry, and cold, but this did something for him. Only in death could Steve ever dream of touching a woman as hot as Mary Lynn. He took her cold hand and unzipped his pants. Slowly he slid it into his zipper, through the opening of his underwear, and pressed her hand against his cock.
He shuttered with excitement. His knees were weak. His dick was hard and before he knew it he had his pants down around his ankles while stroking it slowly. He used his other hand to touch her left tit. Leaning down he softly sucked on the dead woman’s nipple.
Before he knew it he was on top of Mary Lynn and lubricating his cock with saliva. Then, slowly and gently, he pushed his dick into her cold pussy. Each thrust was one of pure ecstasy. He ran his hand down the cadaver’s curves as the thrusting increased in speed.
Now he was really fucking the body. Ted was right, she couldn’t say no. And who was he harming really? This was a victimless crime. Mary Lynn was no longer in this body. Now the dead meat was his pretty little fuck sleeve.
He came into her with a loud moan before collapsing with exhaustion onto her body. Steve kissed her neck. Sure, he didn’t last long, but she wouldn’t complain. He had nothing to prove to her because she was a dead junkie.
“What the fuck?” the voice of Patrick, the janitor, startled Steve so much that he nearly jumped off the corpse. Naked and ashamed, Steve shook his head at the old man.
“This isn’t what it looks like.”
“Looks to me like you were fucking that dead body. I always suspected you of doing shit like this. Molesting them, I can look past, but you put your cock into her. You’re sick.”
Patrick pulled out his cell phone. Who was he calling? The boss? The cops? It didn’t matter. He could’ve been calling his mother and Steve wouldn’t care. Reaching for the closest object, and running on instinct to keep his secret, he threw the closest object.
Patrick didn’t move. The old man had a shocked expression on his face. Sticking out of his forehead was a bone-saw, the one Steve had thrown at him. Patrick tried to speak, but before he could mutter a word the old man collapsed onto the floor. He was as dead as Mary Lynn. Steve had killed him.
“What the fuck?”
Steve got dressed and immediately grabbed Patrick’s dead body and threw it into a refrigerated unit. He could hide him for tonight, nobody touches the freezers except for him. Tomorrow he’d have to cremate the body when no one was around. For now he cleaned up the blood and put Mary Lynn back into her meat locker.
Steve went out and met up with Ted. He had just killed a man so acting normal was hard. Somehow he got through the night. Ted went home with some Puerto Rican woman while Steve went home and immediately fell asleep.
The next day Ted, as usual, stopped by the funeral home after he got out of work. Steve had managed to get through the day. He’d glance at the meat locker. Mary Lynn needed to be finished being prepped tonight for her funeral in the morning. Despite this he put it off, and now Ted was there, being a douchebag as usual.
“I mean you didn’t even try, bro.” Ted laughed, sitting in a chair while Steve made his way over to Mary Lynn’s locker. He opened the little door and slid the table out. Ted leaped from his chair, nearly choking on the hot dog he was eating. “Holy fuck!”
Holy fuck was right. Mary Lynn’s stomach had swelled up. Steve, horrified, stepped away from the corpse.
“Bro, she looks pregnant.” Ted yelled. Then it hit him. “You were late last night because you fucked her, didn’t you?”
“Yes, for fuck’s sake, I did.”
“You knocked her up.” Despite how irrational it sounded it appeared that Ted was right. The cadaver did look pregnant.
“It’s gas buid up. It makes her look swollen.” This was a lie but it was more believable then what Ted was proposing. Steve reached for a scalpel and made his way toward her belly. “Once I cut her open the gas will be released.” Or so he hoped.
“Holy fuck, something moved.” Ted was right. Something moved inside of Mary Lynn’s belly.
“It has to be our imagination.”
“No way, we both saw it. Looked like a snake was in this bitch…that or a baby.”
There was a thrashing from one of the meat lockers. It sounded like someone was inside trying to get out. It was the one Steve had put Patrick in. Was he still alive?
Ted ran over to the locker and before Steve could stop him Ted pulled the door open. Immediately, Patrick shot out of the freezer, bone-saw still embedded in his head. The old man overpowered the fit thirty two year old man. Ted worked out daily, he was a gym rat, so how was this wounded seventy year old man overpowering him.
Patrick made animalistic noises. Ted struggled but the old man pinned him to the floor and sunk his teeth into Ted’s neck. Patrick ripped a chunk out of Ted before he could overpower the old man. Bleeding from his neck he and Steve ran across the room, to the office.
Patrick stood up. The janitor looked possessed. This wasn’t the man Ted had killed the night before. The two men watched as Patrick walked over to Mary Lynn’s body. He reached down and ripped open the cadaver’s abdomen.
From within Mary Lynn came a creature. It was the size of a toddler, with black, scaley skin and red eyes. On top of it’s hairless head were two horns. The creature leaped from the corpse and onto the floor. It’s hooves smacked the linoleum and the creature spoke in a soft, child like voice.
“Daddy?” It asked. Patrick ran toward Ted. The old man’s hands ripped through Ted’s chest, breaking ribs. Ted screamed as Patrick opened him up. Steve closed his eyes.
“This isn’t real.” Ted stopped screaming.
Steve kept his eyes closed. There was a loud bang and a few moments later he felt a hand gently touch his shoulder.
“I love you Steve.” It was a woman’s voice. Steve opened his eyes and saw that the hand on his shoulder had belonged to Mary Lynn. The torn open corpse was standing up, looking down lovingly at her lover.
Patrick had torn open Ted’s skull and was scooping out brains. The horned creature stood next to Mary Lynn. The little monster smiled at him.
“You’re going to be a great father.” Mary Lynn leaned down and kissed the horrified man on his quivering lips. “Welcome to your new family.”